(Noet: This poest iz Fanétisìezd WITTH áaksents faur siláabik stres. If yu haav a préfrans reegórding tekst witth áaksents aur witthóut, pleez let me noe yaur tthíngking véa éemail tu fanetiks@aol.com.)
This iz a poest FAUR Noevémber 22nd, not uplóedad ON thaat daet. Aul tha daets in this blog or FAUR tha daet ménchand.* Méne or áulso uplóedad ON thaat daet, but not aul. I mae werk in fits aand storts, deepénding on mi mued aand deemáandz apón mi tiem aand énerjè.
I diskúst heer on Septémber 22nd the impénding cháenjòever frum Páatthmork (a subsídeeyère uv términalè báangkrupt A&P) tu Stop & Shop, uv tha Soutth Óranj Páatthmork, wun uv tthre Páatthmorks I súmtiemz páetranìezd.
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Tha cháenjòever iz nou kampléet. Tha sien on a stáanchan alàungsíed Váale Street, hwich wuz dork on Septémber 22nd, iz nou alíet witth tha nu staur ìnfarmáeshan, so I dídan't driev paast the éntrans, aaz I haad on tue príur akáezhanz taurd the end uv tha Páatthmork éera. Tha pórking lot hwen I aríevd just beefáur 6 p.m. wuz ekstréemle bíze, aaz kústamerz flokt tu tha nu staur. Vére fyu kústamerz wer in évidans tha laast tiem I haad bin thair, perháaps in port beekáus thaat stréetsìed sien haad bin dork, so méne péepool miet haav asúemd tha staur wuz kloezd, tho it wuz not.
Kyúereaslè, thair iz a smáuler, Baangk uv Amáirika sien on thaat stáanchan beeló tha lorj Stop & Shop sien. Hoom. Thair yuezd tu be a braanch uv Baangk uv Amáirika in thaat bílding, but it kloezd in mid-2013. I diskúst this maur thaan wuns, aand asúemd that wuns it haad kloezd, it wood néver reóepan, but yu se, abúv, a sien thaat sagjésts thaat thair IZ nou a B uv A braanch in the Stop & Shop. I waukt tthru príte much the entíur staur tooníet, tu famílyarìez miesélf witth hwair tthingz or nou lóekaetad, but did not se éne Baangk uv Amáirika braanch, naur éevan A.T.M., witthin tha nu Stop & Shop. Did I mis it? Aur did súmwun símple neeglékt tu taek awáe aan oeld B uv A sien?
Toodáe, wuns I haad táekan sum piks uv tha nu staur aand its róedsìed sien, I went in tu tha frunt uv tha staur tu se if it stil aakséptad reesíekoold pláastik shóping baagz (hwich I kaláaps, linggwístikalè, íntu "plaagz"). Yes. Alóen amúng tha súepermòrkats I régyoolarlè páetranìez, tha Stop & Shop in Soutth Óranj displaez aat leest tthre reeséptakòolz faur reesíekoold pláastik baagz, aand próudle staets thaat ON its shóping baagz. Not óenle duz S&S aaksépt its sívik reespònsibílite tu reesíekool pláastik shóping baagz but it áulso maeks públik-reeláeshanz hae frum thaat mínimal reespònsibílite. The Staet uv Nu Jérze shood kampél AUL bíznazaz thaat dispéns pláastik shóping baagz tu reesíekool them.
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S&S iz in évre úther wae a pérfaktle áurdinère súepermòrkat. I lookt, in partíkyoolar, faur póuderd milk, a stáepool in mi hóusqhòeld faur káufe, hot cháuklat, te, aand ínstant maasht patáetoez. Boetth the Eest Óranj ShópRìet aand Soutth Óranj Páatthmork yuezd tu áufer 20-kwaurt bóksaz uv lues stáur-bràand póudered milk (ShópRìet braand aur A&P'z "Amáirika'z Chois" braand). Muntths agó, the E.O. SR stopt áufering its 20-kwaurt staur braand, aat $14.99 aur, on sail, $13.99 per boks. Instéd, it áuferd a much smáuler boks (8-kwaurt?) faur súmtthing liek $10. I tried it aand háetad it. It táestad fúne, aand I reezéntad tha much híur pries. I hoept thaat it wuz a témparère stáand-ìn untíl SR'z oen braand reetúrnd, but it néver did. Tha laast tiem I wuz in the E.O. staur, I kóodan't éevan fiend thaat "Vílaj Form" braand póuderd milk, éevan áafter áasking abóut póuderd milk aat kústamèr sérvis. The E.O. SR réesantle ùnderwént póintlas, RIDÍKYOOLÀS cháenjaz in hwair tthings wer plaest. Faur ínstans, dri kaat fued wuz muevd frum WUN sied uv the íal neer tha frunt uv tha staur tu the ÚTHER sied uv tha saem íal, fórther awáe frum tha frunt! Hwi on Ertth wood éne máanajèr du thaat? Tthingz thaat haad bin in wun loekáeshan faur YEERZ súdanle disapéerd frum thaat loekáeshan. Hwut wuz máanajmant tthíngking? In éne kaes, not éevan Kústamèr Sérvis nue hwair póuderd milk wuz on áufer, naur éevan IF it wuz stil on áufer in tha staur. Fáurchanatlè, tha Soutth Óranj Stop & Shop duz áufer póuderd milk — aat a loekáeshan tha péepool aat Kústamèr Sérvis nue, aulbéit not in a 20-kwaurt lúes-póuder siez, óenle 10 wún-kwàurt ónvalòeps (in S&S tèrminólajê, "póuchaz") faur $11.99, wae óever a dólar per kwaurt. I wood áakchualè preefér póuderd milk witth tha náachural lévoolz uv milk faat, óever nónfaat póuder, beekáuz I need tu keep mi waet up. I noe thaat in this kúntre, kéeping wun'z waet up iz not, faur moest péepool, a próblam, but it iz faur me.
Paatthmork haad dìskantínyued yues uv its dískount kord méne muntths beefáur it went out uv bíznaz, but Stop & Shop duz yuez a kústamer kord tu páurshan out spéshal príesaz, aand tu keep traak uv hwut péepool bie, aaz tu noe hwut tu áufer in tha wae uv príntad kúeponz áafter a sail iz táaleed. I aplíed faur wun, aand tha próses wuz vére eefíshant. A wooman aat Kústamèr Sérvis skaand mi dríever'z líesans, then aaskt faur mi télafòen númber aand éemail áadres. Thaat wuz it.
Ódle, tha kéechain vérzhan uv Stop &Shop's dískount kord iz úpsied-dóun tu tha wae moest such kéechaen kordz apéer. In tha fóeto beeló, tha hoel in the ód-shàept S&S kéechaen kord (hwich máachaz tha bótam uv tha staur'z lóego) iz on tha riet sied, hwáiraaz aul úther such kéechaen kordz, such aaz tha Páatthmork vérzhan I haav nou diskórdad, haav tha hoel on the left sied. So the S&S kord wil be úpsied-dòun tu úther kordz. Hwi did S&S chuez tu du thaat?
Hwen I shopt, I found a spéshal on Kóeka-Kóela, 77¢ per 2-léeter bótool if yu baut 5 (but yu haad tu bie 5). ShópRìet's oen, vére good kóela, wuz aat tha tiem béing áuferd faur 88¢ per 2L bótool, so náachralè I baut tha 5 bótoolz uv Kóeka-Kóela. In kampáiring tha tue áafter tha faakt, I kanklúedad thaat thair wuz not, tu mi taest, éne signífikant dífrans.
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I doen't noe hou áufan I wil páetranìez tha Soutth Óranj Stop & Shop, aaz agénst éether the Eest Óranj aur Núark ShópRìet, aur the Núark Áakme (fáurmerlè Fére Street Páatthmork — aur aat leest hwut I asúem haaz nou bin kanvértad tu aan Áakme, éevan tho I haav not yet bin tu thaat staur, hwich I jénrale go tu óenle hwen mi frend Jére kumz in frum Manháatan tu join me faur Núark órt-sho óepaning reesépshanz). I háavan't bin tu aan Áakme sins hi skuel, hwen I tthingk I went tu aan Áame in Red Baangk (Mónmatth Kóunte), preezúemablè witth mi (laet) múther in abóut 1961. "Tha maur tthingz chaenj, tha maur thae stae tha saem." Aur du thae? Thair wuz éevan a Sáefwàe in Red Baangk in thoez daez. (Sáefwàe haaz sins dìskantínyued moest òperáeshanz in the Eest, but iz stil áaktiv in tha Wéstern Yooníetad Staets. Stop & Shop iz vére big in Nu Ínggland. Aand nou in Soutth Óranj, sabúrban Núark.)
Wun tthing I dislíekt abóut tha Stop & Shop iz its métal shóping korts. Tha 2L bótoolz uv Koek wood not staand úpriet in them, but fel óever. Aand the korts doen't haav háandhòeldz aat tha frunt liek thoez I haav beekúm akústamd tu aat úther súepermòrkats. Thae wil áulso preezúemablè be kóelder tu tha tuch in wínter if yu du graab them frum tha frunt.
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* Díksanèrees sho tha pranùnseáeshan "
mén.shan" faur tha werd tradíshanalè speld "mention". But the áakchual sound thaat méne spéekerz maek áafter aan N iz CH, not SH, so thaat iz hou I spel it heer.
