Thursday, September 22, 2016

Weere but Wel

(Noet: This poest iz Fanetisìezd WITTHOUT aaksents faur silaabik stres. If yu haav a prefrans reegording tekst witth aaksents aur witthout, pleez let me noe yaur tthingking vea eemail tu fanetiks@aol.com.)

Sumtthing od haaz haapand witth Guegool Bloger'z statistiks faur this blog, hwich hav reesantle bin runing aat a fyu hundrad paejvyuez per dae. Hwen I chekt toodae, houwever, I sau thaat 6,397 paejvyuez wer reepaurtad faur yesterdae, and 2,690 faur toodae! Kaan thaat posible be tru? Aur haav Bloger's kounterz gaun haewiur? Aul-tiem toetal uv paejvyuez iz reepaurtad aaz 951,273. If this blog reele iz geting thaat mene paejvyuez, I'v got tu fiend a wae tu monatiez it, aaz bi reestauring tha litool Guegool AadSens aads thaat yuezd tu apeer aat tha top but stopt apeering mene munths ago. I doen't noe hwi.

I haav menchand thaat I aam 71 yeerz oeld, aand thaat mi aej haaz sloed me doun. Yung peepool miet not understand hwut 71 looks liek. Unfaurchanatle, I haav tue foetoes tu show thaat, boetth frum the Haulze Street Festival, September 8tth. Thair wuz a foeto buetth sponserd bi Nuark's kaurparat saent, Prudenchal Financhal. I didan't noe hou such a foeto buetth wood werk, so aaskt tha wooman hu greetad peepool aaz thae waukt up. She sed it's free — hwich iz a graet tthing tu tel sumwun hu iz boetth oeld aand puer — aand thaat I kaan get a hordkope print aand aan eemaild verzhan uv tha foeto. So I went faur it.
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Perhaaps I misunderstood, aur fild out tha viziter'z book raung, but I doen't tthingk I got aan eemaild verzhan uv tha foeto. I did, houwever, get a hordkope, hwich I foetagraaft aat hoem, aaz beelo.


Tamaara Remaedeoes, prinsipal uv boetth Nuark Puls aand Burger Wola on Haulze Street, laeter eemailed thaat she wuz surpriezd thaat she haad not seen me, aand sent this foeto, hwich is the deefault faurm uv piks taekan bi tha foeto buetth. I doen't noe hou she got it, but I'm glaad she did. Aaz tthingz wer eksplaend tu me, the deefault foeto taekan shoed this red baakground.


Oenle if yu didan't wont thaat baakground wood yu then chuez amung sumtthing liek 15 difrant baakdrops, frum hwich I choez tha fiurwerks displae shoen abuv. In this nekst foeto, yu kaan se tha TapSnap.net teknishan aat werk. Mi frend Jo frum Belvil sed, perhaaps tue yeerz ago, thaat I lookt eemaesheaetad, thaat iz, seereasle unheltthe, aaz due tu storvaeshan. Mi oelder bruther Aalan, hu iz goeing on 80, sez thaat evreetthing he haaz herd about peepool geting oelder sagjests that lieter iz helttheur, aand, in kaesaz liek mien in hwich baad neez or aat ishu, it iz beter not tu haav much waet tu haav tu sapaurt.
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Aaz reegordz mi oen feelingz about mi waet, hwich haaz gaun frum a vere-hi uv perhaaps 218 poundz fiev yeerz ago tu mi prezant waet, I aam not kansernd thaat I'm waesting awae, in thaat I seem tu haav staebiliezd aat around 134 pounds. Aakchuale, I haavan't waed mieself in a kupool uv weeks, beekauz mi skail stopt werking. I haav tthaut that due tu tha baatere being draend, but haav not yet gotan tu the Ieve Hil Raedeo Shaak tu bie a nu baatere . I'm a litool leere thaat tha problam iz not a draend baatere, so biing a nu baatere wood not solv tha problam but oenle kaust me mune. Thaat's probable sile, but I woen't noe until I aakchuale du bie aand instaul a nu baatere. In ene kaes, I wood be haapeur if I waed maur liek 150 thaan 135.
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Givan thaat I haav tu haul wuter up tu mi sekand-flaur baatthruem sins mi koper pieping wuz stoelan mene muntths ago, aand reeplaesing tha koper witth PEX tuebing did not reestaur wuter tu mi sekand-flaur baatthruem, faur hwutever reezan, I get sum "waet traening" frum haaving tu lift 16 poundz uv wuter up 13 steps aulmoest evre dae. It's absurd thaat I shood haav tu du thaat, but it miet kaust tthouzandz uv dolarz tu figyur out hwi wuter wuz not reestaurd tu mi 2nd-flaur baatthruem wuns tha riezerz tu thaat baatthruem wer reekanektad. Maebe waulz wood haav tu be broekan tthru tu fiend aand fiks tha problam.
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I took 60 foetoez uv tha Haulze Street Fest, a lot uv hwich wer tue dork beekauz thae wer taekan aat niet, but tha best uv hwich I shood sho. I wil, houwever, haav tu poot thaat auf tu anuther tiem, beekauz I aam prezantle unaebool tu fungkshan wel, faur being deeprest bi finaanchal kansernz, hwich mae aur mae not werk out. If I du get mieself toogether tu aad foetoez uv tha Haulze Fest, I wil du so aat a laeter daet, eether aaz aan entiurle nu poest aur aaz a reedirekt tu adishanal foetoez in this poest.