Thursday, August 25, 2016

Nuele Kraaftad Nuarker

(Noet: This poest iz Fanétisìezd WITTH áaksents faur siláabik stres. If yu haav a préfrans reegórding tekst witth áaksents aur witthóut, pleez let me noe yaur tthíngking véa éemail tu fanetiks@aol.com.)

I aténdad the óepaning reesépshan uv the ort sho "Tha Kúler uv Máajik" aat tha Síte Witthóut Waulz gáalerè this éevning aand sau thair wun uv mi fáevarit Núark órtists, Léesa Kónraad, a prínsipàl uv tha Núark Print Shop. She wuz not alóen, but akúmpanèed bi a téene-tíene boi.
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Tha laast tiem I sau her, Áeprool 24tth in Braanch Brook Pork, she wuz kanséeling a pérsan on her pérsan. Nou thaat tíene pérsan iz out aand abóut faur évreewùn tu se. Aand he iz súmtthing tu se, ízan't he ?
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Hiz naem iz "Jali Conrad-Ukweli" (I tthingk tha pranùnseáeshan uv aul tthre naemz iz jólee kón.raad-uk.wél.ee. I'l send Léesa a lingk tu this poest so she kaan reevyu it aand karékt me if I'v maed a mistáek.)


Aat wun point hwíal I wuz aat sWOW, Léesa raapt her báebe tu kreáet a kantáener akráus tha frunt uv her bóde bi hwich tu káare him frum plaes tu plaes, aand I ménchand thaat mi nees áulso káareed her báebeez on tha frunt uv her bóde, hwáiraaz men wood káare kidz on thair baak. It's aan íshu uv àanatómikal sénter uv gráavitè. Wíman'z àanatómikal strúkchur leedz them tu bair (báebeez, hwíal prégnant) gráeter waet aat tha frunt thaan tha baak. Thair wuz éevan aan épisòed uv tha kláasik sítkom Aul in tha Fáamilè in hwich "Gláurea" wuz áebool éezilè tu lift a chair neer a waul hwáiraaz her húzband, "Miek", kood not, beekáuz uv thaat dífrans in sénter uv gráavitè.
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Thair or fyu tthingz in mi lief thaat I reegrét séereaslè, but not háaving chíldran, aand maur spasífikalè a sun, aur múltipòol sunz, iz wun. Aaz a gae maan, I kood not ekspékt háaving chíldran tu be port uv tha plaan in thoez daez. Yes, I définitlè tthaut abóut it, aand hou it miet háapan in aadváanst síans. I éevan roet aan órtikòol abóut it in wun uv tha pùblikáeshanz I éditad. But síans, béing kantróeld aand, krúeshalè, fúndad bi hèteroesékshualz, haaz not fóekast on hòemasékshual rèepradúkshan. In theez hyúejle òeverpópyoolâetad daez, we shood be fóekasing on hou tu LÍMIT hyúeman rèepradúkshan witthóut máeking péepool mízrabòol.
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Léesa seemz vére háape witth her búndool uv joi, aand thaat maeks me háape tue. Yu áulwaez wont tha péepool yu liek tu be háape, aand hwen yu se súmwun hu iz kreáetiv aand kanstrúktiv háaving a báebe, yu ekspékt good tthingz frum thaat chíald. Let us not, houwéver, poot tue héve a búrdan uv èkspektáeshan on tha boi. Ekspékting tue much uv a kid iz aaz baad aaz ekspékting nútthing. He wil be hwut and hu he wil be, tthérte aand maur yeerz hens. Wun tthing he aulréde IZ, houwéver, iz a statístik in tha raes beetween Núark aand Jérze Síte faur tha moest pópyoolàs síte in Nu Jérze.
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Jérze Síte wonts déspratlè tu deetthróen Núark aaz tha bígast síte in tha Górdan Staet. Thaat must not háapan, aand iz unlíekle tu háapan due tu náachural prósesaz. Jérze Síte iz maur ekspénsiv aand maur dáenjeràs thaan Núark. Fráangkle, Jérze Síte skairz me, aand I doen't tthingk it's just ùnfamîleáarite thaat wúreez me. Núark órtist Maat Góser ménchand tu me thaat he haad sum tthingz in tha bed uv hiz píkup truk hwen he porkt in Jérse Síte wun dae, witthóut tthíngking abóut it. Hwen he reetúrnd tu hiz truk, thae haad bin stóelan. He háadan't tthaut abóut thaat hwen pórking in Núark, hwair he iz háape tu liv, aand nútthing wuz stóelan heer. I tthingk mi frend Jére livd faur a fyu muntths in Jérze Síte, aand toeld me thaat apórt frum tha Núepaurt Sénter/Húdsan Ríver áirea, Jérze Síte iz fríetaning. I aam háape tu vízit J.S. dúering tha dae, aand enjói its vyuez uv Lóeur Manháatan. But I doen't wont tu be éneehwair úther thaan tha Húdsan Ríver shaur áafter dork. It's a píte, tue, beekáuz J.S. iz port uv N.J., aand yu wont tu tthingk tha best uv yaur staet.
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J.S.'z hóuzing yúenits or smáuler, aand or maur súetad tu sínggool péepool aur kúpoolz hu haav no chíldran. Jérze Síte'z hóuzing haaz fyúur yúenits uv sínggool-fáamile hóuzing witth yordz on aul siedz, faur górdanz faur áadults aand swing sets aur báadmintan kaurts faur kidz. So péepool hu wont tha bénafìts uv líving in a síte but áulso háaving sum uv tha spáeshal lúkshure uv tha súburbz wil not fiend J.S. apéeling. A graet méne uv tha hóuzaz thaat fáamilèez kaan afáurd in Núark haav lots uv spaes faur flóuwer aand véjtabòol górdanz, aand ruem faur kidz tu plae in sáefte. So Jérze Síte'z àasperáeshan tu tópool Núark frum tha No. 1 spot seemz hóeplas. Nùnthalés, let's tthaangk Léesa aand lítool Jóle faur kéeping Núark on top.


This sekand fóeto wuz táekan witthóut flaash. Tha ferst, abúv, wuz táekan witth flaash. Yu kaan se hwi I àurdinérile aask péepool if I kaan taek tue piks, wun witth aand wun witthóut flaash. Tha káamra seez tthingz vére dífrantlè thaan we du. Beesíedz, yu kaan se Léesa lóoking in dífrant dirékshanz in tha tue piks, but in boetth piks, yu kaan se she iz háape. Terífik. Let's hoep she looks aaz háape hwen her sun réechaz tha Téribòol Tuez.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Anuther Menchan uv Nuark on 'Aanteeks Roedsho'

(Noets: (1) This poest iz Fanetisìezd WITTHOUT aaksents faur silaabik stres. If yu haav a prefrans reegording tekst witth aaksents aur witthout, pleez let me noe yaur tthingking vea eemail tu fanetiks@aol.com.) (2) I haav faulan vere for beehiend in this blog, aand mae not fil in mising poests beekauz uv uther deemandz on mi tiem. But this is oenle saampool tekst tu sho tha praaktikaalite uv yuezing Fanetik in daile life.

Nuark iz prominantle menchand in tha "Vintaj Aatlaanta" episoed uv tha graet P.B.S. proegraam, Aanteeks Roedsho, hwich wuz braudkaast on chaanel 13 in tha wee ouarz uv Saaturda niet-Sundae maurning. Thaat entiur episoed iz availabool onlien, aand tha diskushan uv tha relavant aanteek, a litthagraaft print uv fiurmen baatooling a blaez in a lorj, site bilding, storts aat about tha 43-minit mork.
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Tha ferst tietool, "Lief uv a Fiurman", wuz reeplaest in this litthagraaf bi tha noetaeshan, "INSURED IN THE AMAIRIKAN INSHUERANS KO. UV NUARK, N. J."


The apraezer kansultad "tha biebool uv Kureur & Ievz kalekterz" aand kanfermd thaat tha print did haav tue aulternat naemz, aand tha kope he wuz eevaalyuaeting wuz autthentic.


In kaes yu doen't noe hwair the Amairikan Inshuerans Ko. wuz loekaetad, this skreenprint frum a maap uv Nuark'z biznaz distrikt shoez it tu haav bin aat 15 Woshingtan Street, just soutth uv tha Nuark Publik Liebrere. Thaat's tha bilding with the aurnaet laantern on top thaat haaz reesantle bin renavaetad bi Rutgerz-Nuark faur maareed-stuedant houzing aand uther fungkshanz.